Meet the true-blue aunty nationals – plump and loud, middle-aged and meddling into other people’s business.
Let’s get personal. Everybody is taking themselves way too seriously nowadays. And also putting their nose where it doesn’t belong. It is an ever increasing breed which threatens to take over our very existence. Meet the true-blue aunty nationals – plump and loud, middle-aged and obnoxiously meddling into other people’s business. Each of us has met this dreaded woman with her dreaded questions.
Like: When will you get married?
Unapologetic, boisterous and big bosomed, they are stuff Jacobean tragedies were made of, going straight for the horror and gore. After listening to some God-awful anecdotes, and from personal experience, here’s a list of questions that aunties should not ask, but they nevertheless do.
You are not getting older. When will you get married?
Because marriage guarantees that we women start getting younger, losing years and shedding weight? Yes I’m on the wrong side of twenties, but I happen to believe in love. Not marriage under desperation, which may turn me into another you.
You will become a cranky spinster. When will you get married?
B*tch, please. If you think I’m a virgin, you have another thing coming. By the way, I still play with toys, they just happen to be a bit different from Barbie dolls. So you see, I do know how to deal with the frustration you are not very gently hinting at.
You need to settle down. When will you get married?
I’m not dust. I’m a woman who can un-settle because I pay my own bills and travel the world. If this unsettles your terribly boring life, even though we meet once a year at some random wedding, then deal with it.
Don’t you want kids? When will you get married?
Because the population isn’t already out of control? Because my child will fight the terminator and become the saviour? Because you want us to go through the excruciating labour pain just because you did? The world is dying anyway. Global warming, global terror, global new-disease-outbreak. Bring a kid into this world? I’ll pass.
Hasn’t your mom found a boy for you yet? When will you get married?
Aunty, this may shock you, but guess what? I have a mind of my own. And obviously, my mother knows me better than to shove a random stranger into my life. Thank God for the blessed woman.
When will you get married?
I did. Secretly. You weren’t invited.
This blog was published here by DNA on Feb 28, 2016